Always On Call

 A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

‘We need a fourth for poker,’ said the friend.

‘I’ll be right over,’ whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, ‘Is it serious?’

‘Oh yes, quite serious,’ said the doctor gravely. ‘In fact, there are three doctors there already!’

What's Wrong?

The man told his doctor he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said.

“Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what’s wrong with me.”

“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “You’re just a plain old lazy fart.”

“Thank You.” said the man. “Now give me the medical term, so I can tell my wife!”

Air Force One

Dick Cheney, President Bush and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on Air Force One. Dick looks at Dubya, chuckles and says,

 "You know, I could throw a $100 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."

Dubya shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $10 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."

Donald Rumsfeld says, "Of course, I could throw a hundred $1 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

The pilot looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

Little Johnny....Nickels & Dimes

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime -- Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor man takes him aside and says,

"Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?"

Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"

The Newlywed Couple

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

Wrong Way

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him.

“Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on 280 interstate. Please be careful!”

“It’s not just one car,” said Herman. “It’s hundreds of them!”

"Thriller" Cebu Dancing Inmates

1963 VS. 2013 - A Span of 50 Years

1963: Long hair
2013: Longing for hair

1963: KEG
2013: EKG

1963: Acid rock
2013: Acid reflux

1963: Moving to California because it's cool
2013: Moving to Arizona because it's warm

1963: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2013: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1963: Seeds and stems
2013: Roughage

1963: Hoping for a BMW
2013: Hoping for a BM

1963: Going to a new, hip joint
2013: Receiving a new hip joint

1963: Rolling Stones
2013: Kidney Stones

1963: Passing the drivers' test

2013: Passing the vision test