The Husband & Wife Stores

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! 

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: 

Floor 1 - These men Have jobs.  

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: 

Floor 2 - These men Have jobs and love kids. 

"That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more." 

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: 

Floor 3 - These men Have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. 

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. 

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: 

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with housework. 

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" 

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: 

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with housework, and have a strong romantic streak. 

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: 

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

A Senior Preference

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 

'So I hear you're getting married?' 

'Yep!' 

'Do I know her?' 

'Nope!' 

'This woman, is she good looking?' 

'Not really.' 

'Is she a good cook?' 

'Naw, she can't cook too well.' 

'Does she have lots of money?' 

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'  

'Well, then, is she good in bed?' 

'I don't know.' 

'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?' 

'Because she can still drive!' 

I'd Like To Be Eight Again

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.

"I'd like to be eight again..." she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her off to the local theme park.

What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, every thing there was.

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to the movies with popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, and her favorite M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well, Dear, what was it like being eight again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size!!!!!!!"

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong.

Model Sues Plastic Surgeon

Model Sues Plastic Surgeon (Adult)

Owes It All To His Wife

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?” 

Millionaire: “I owe everything to my wife.” 

Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?” 

“A Billionaire

Looking For The Right Size

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.  Lady 1: "What's that?" Lady 2: "A condom."  Lady 1: "Where'd you get it?" Lady 2: "You can get them at any drugstore."  The next day, the first lady hobbled into the local drugstore and announced to the pharmacist that she wanted to buy a package of condoms.  The guy looked at her kind of strangely (she was, after all, in her 80s), but politely asked what size and brand she preferred.  "Doesn't matter," she replied, "as long as it fits a Camel."