Mirror...Mirror...

A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bust-line forty-four." 

Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return. 

This time the husband crossed his fingers and says, "Mirror, mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor." 

Again, there is a bright flash and........ both his legs fall off.

Once Again

Once a Blonde and a brunette were watching the news when they saw a man at the top of a building threatening to jump off. The Brunette said "I bet you fifty bucks he's going to jump off, what do you say?"

The Blonde said "sure,"

They watched carefully for 10 minutes when the man jumps off. The Blonde hands over the 50 bucks and says "good job,"

The brunette looks guilty and says "I'm sorry, here's your fifty bucks back, I saw the earlier showing and I knew the man was going to jump off,"

The blonde says "Don't worry, I saw it too, I just didn't think he'd do it again!"

Getting Int Big Trouble

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous.  The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that  if any mischief occurred in their town their two young sons were in some way involved.  The parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their sons' behavior. One day,  the mother heard of a clergyman in town that has been successful in disciplining children  in the past, and asked for his help. The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually.  The 8-year-old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and  asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy made no response, so the clergyman  repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more  and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?" At that the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home, slamming himself in  his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?" The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble now... They can't find God and  they're blaming it on us!"

Their Obsession

A renowned psychologist was conducting a group therapy session with four  young mothers and their little children. After a few hours of talking and analyzing their words and behavior, he said:  "I believe that you all suffer from some obsession." He remarked. He turned to the first mother and said, "You obviously have an obsession with  food. You've even named your daughter Candy."  He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. And it manifests itself  in your child's name, Penny,"  He turned to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself  in your child's name, Brandy."  At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered,  "Come on, Dick, let's go".

Why Don't You Play Your Age?

A woman in Atlantic City was losing at the roulette wheel. When she was down to her last 10 dollars, she asked the fellow next to her for a good number. "Why don't you play your age?" he suggested. The woman agreed, and then put her money on the table. The next thing the guy with the advice knew, the woman had fainted and fallen to the floor. He rushed right over. "Did she win?" he asked. "No" replied the attendant. "She put 10 dollars on 33 and 46 came in."