A Biology Exam

Mr. Jacobs, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Arnold, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions.

Miss Arnold gasped, then said freezingly, "Mr. Jacobs, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this." With that she sat down red-faced.

Unperturbed, Mr. Jacobs called on Miss Jones, another student, and asked the same question.

Miss Jones, with composure, replied: "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."

"Correct," said Mr. Jacobs. "And now, Miss Arnold, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will someday be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

Half A Century Later

An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in their home.

"Just think," the old man says, "we were sitting here at this same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 50 years ago."

"Well," the old lady snickers naughtily, "what do you

 say, do you think we should get naked?"

The two chuckle and proceed to slowly strip to what God gave them. Then they sit back down at the table, staring at each other.  

"You know, honey," the little old lady says slyly, "My breasts burn for you now as they did 50 years ago."

"I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!"

A Retirement Gift

It was George the Mailman’s last day.

As he did his final rounds he reached the door of the first house and was greeted by a elderly couple who gave him a gift certificate. At the next house, the entire family gave him a set of fishing lures, and at the third house he received a box of fine cigars.

But at the next house he was greeted by a sexy blonde wearing a skimpy negligee. Without a word, she signalled him to come inside. She gently took him upstairs and made mad passionate love to him. George certainly didn't mind.

She then led him downstairs where she made him a huge breakfast of toast, sausage, eggs and hashbrowns. George was truly satisified. As he leaned forward to get his second cup of coffee, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup.

Curious, he asks the blonde, ”This is all wonderful and I appreciate everything..but…what’s the dollar for?”

“Oh,” says the blonde, “I asked my husband last night what we should give you for your retirement. He said ‘Screw him! give him a dollar!’ 

She beamed at him. "The breakfast part was my idea!”

The Phone Call

A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend. They make  love for hours.  Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house,  she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation: "Hello? Oh,  hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy  to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too.  OK. Bye-bye."  She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?" "Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time  he's having on his fishing trip with you."

Three Nuns

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." 

"What did you do?" the other nuns asked. 

"Well, of course I threw them in the trash." 

The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" 

"Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. 

"I poked holes in all of them!" she replied.

The third nun fainted.