Noble Gesture

Two old men were fishing off a bridge as they had done daily for many years. Suddenly a funeral procession came down the road. 

The one old man reeled in his line, lain down his pole, faced the street and bowed his head until the procession had passed. He then picked up his pole and started fishing again. 

The other fisherman was amazed and stated "I didn't know you were that religious." 

The other looked at him and said "Least I could do, we've been married 42 years!"

The Pill

An exhausted looking blonde dragged herself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep." 

"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over." 

"Great," the blonde answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot." 

A few weeks later the blonde returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!" 

"I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!" 

"That may be true," answered the blonde wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's really hard getting him to swallow the pill!"

You Don't Know My Dad

Teacher: "Daniel, if you had a dollar in your hand and you asked your dad for another dollar, how many dollars would you have in your hand?"

Daniel: "A dollar."

Teacher: "Daniel, apparently you don't know math..."

Daniel: "Apparently you don't know my dad."

The Cat Doesn't Know

Mark spent a year in an asylum, thinking he was a mouse. After intensive therapy, he was released.  10 minutes later he appears back inside as if all hell broke loose.

"What happened to you??" Asked his surprised doctor.

"There's a cat outside!" screams Mark.

"But Mark, I thought you got better! You know you're not a mouse!" Cried the doctor.

"I do!" Exclaims Mark, "but he doesn't know that!"

The Old Man Trying To Catch A Fish

A rich businessman walls down the street when he spots an old man sitting with a fishing rod next to a puddle, trying to get fish.

The businessman takes pity on the old deranged man, and invited him to eat lunch with him at the coffee shop close by. 

After the meal, the businessman asks him with a smile: "So? Did you catch any fish today?"

"Sure did," answers the old man, "You're my third one."