Flying To The Florida Keys

A man who was just married was flying to the Florida Keys for a business trip. His new bride was to accompany him the next day. When he got there he E-mailed his wife to let her know he made it there safely.

When he sent the E-mail he miss-typed the address. In Boston, a grieving widow, whose husband has recently passed away, receives the E-mail. She reads it, screams, and faints.

Hearing her grandmother’s cry, the widow's 18-year-old granddaughter runs into the living room to see the computer on with a message. It reads:

Dear love,

Just got here. Preparing for your arrival tomorrow. Can't wait to see you.

Love,

Your Husband

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Secret For A Long Happy Life

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?"

"Twenty-Six" he said.

Now What Happened?

Hearing a scream from the playroom, the mother rushed in and found her infant daughter pulling the hair of her four-year-old bother. After separating them, the mother said to her son, "Don't be upset with your sister, honey. She didn't know she was hurting you."

No sooner had the mother returned to her chores than she heard more screaming. This time she rushed in and found the baby crying. "Now what happened?" she asked.

"Nothing," said the boy, "except that now she knows."

It's My Birthday Today

A woman is in the bar of a cruise ship and she asks the bartender for a scotch and two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink, she says, "It's my birthday today, and I'm on the cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday."

The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday I'll buy you a drink; in fact, I'll take care of this one for you."

As the women finishes her drink the woman to her right says, "I guess I should buy you a drink."

The old woman says, "All right. Bartender, I want a scotch and two drops of water."

"All right," says the bartender. As she finishes her drink, the man to her right says, "Since I'm the only one around you that hasn't bought you a drink, I guess I might as well buy you one."

The old woman says, "All right. Bartender I want a scotch and two drops of water."

"Coming right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink he says,

"Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the scotch and only two drops of water?"

The old woman replies, "Sonny, you learn that when you're my age, you can hold your liquor but you sure can't hold your water."

Would You Remarry?

An elderly couple was in bed one night and the woman woke up from a bad dream. She was scared and panicking.

Her husband awoke and turned the light on to calm her. He asked what was wrong.

She said "I had a dream that I died and you got remarried." She asked him, "If I died tomorrow, would you get remarried?"

He said "Sure, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life lonely."

Then she asked, "Well would you two live in this house?"

He replied "Sure, we just got finished paying off our mortgage."

She asked again, angry now, "Well would she sleep in this bed?"

He snickered and said "Yes, of course, this bed is brand new and expensive, there's no reason to rid of it."

She asked irately, "Well would she use my golf clubs?!"

He replied with a straight, serious face, "No. She's left handed."

Seeking Charity

A big, burly man knocked on the door of the pastor's house one day and asked  to see the minister's wife, a woman known for her charity work and her love  for the poor and helpless. The woman opened the door and saw the man had tears streaming down his face. "oh, whatever is the matter?" She cried out. "I come to you today, dear woman, for the purposes of doing charity and good work."  Said the man in a hopeless voice. "Come in, come in!" The woman admitted him inside and they sat in her living room. "Madam," said the man in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible  plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work,  and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty  streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400." "How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask who you are?" The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. "I'm the landlord,"  he sobbed.